Mirror, Mirror
by Suledin
Summary: A oneshot based on Merrill's experience with the Eluvian. ""Fix the mirror." A voice whispered ghostly in my ear." Rated T for the following: Possession, blood magic, dark themes, and general creepiness. {Cover photo by: Smilika. Link for picture and profile is at the end of the story.}


**Hello, thanks for stopping by! Be warned that this is a creepy story (as intended) and I have no idea where the inspiration came from. It just hit me. And yes, some things will be a little off as far as the actual powers of the Eluvian go. **

* * *

When gazing into the ocean of infinite wisdom that chained itself inside the Eluvian I could almost swear that I see everything that has ever existed.

I see our irremediable future.

I see our corrupted past.

Though I found out a technique to find even more of the infinite wisdom: My blood. The Eluvian seems to draw strange power from my blood. When my sticky life fluid touches the ancient mirror I see an unknown, sanguine realm within it's shattered, reflective surface. Seeing the tranquil realm gives me peace of mind. Observing the beaming faces of cherubs from the foreign world gives me more happiness than being embraced in Hawke's warm arms ever granted.

I want to go to that other world, no matter the price.

Body.

Soul.

_ Blood._

The worst part is that I know that I can, and how, to accomplish this wish.

_"Fix the mirror." _A voice whispered ghostly in my ear.

I piece the Eluvian together, and yet when I put a hand to the cracked reflective surface with my hand coated in blood, all I can do is _see_ that nirvana.

It will not let me pass.

"Am I too wicked to pass through your sinless gate?" I ask the seeing-glass aloud.

When no answer came I sighed in exasperation.

I'm told that I'm mad.

Perhaps I am.

When I gaze into the seeing-glass's world I feel perfectly sane.

* * *

Hawke worries. I tell him that I'm beyond restoration; my fate with the blighted mirror is irreversible. Even his enduring love cannot change that. I love this unfortunate man, but my affection for him is split. I also love the seeing-glass's world, filled with knowledge.

I once tried to stop for his sake; My body would not allow it. Instead, it did the opposite of stop. My body involuntary took the small blade that Hawke had secured on my cincture incase of any threats, and then jaggedly drew it across my wrists. I felt no pain, only a dull sensation across my wrist.

Ichor pooled onto the floor as my mouth began chanting incantations that I didn't even recognize, in a voice that didn't belong to me. The wicked aura that stuck around the mirror only drove my uncontrolled body on faster; the chanting picked up faster, louder.

My very soul was disconnected from my body. I stood like a phantom, watching my body commit the sacrilegious act.

Strangely, I only felt one singular feeling: _Happiness._

No shame for letting down the Keeper. No remorse for abandoning Hawke in our relationship. Not a single hint of self-condemnation for the sinful act.

After a while I began understanding what my body was chanting:

_"Vittoria per Asha'bellanar!"_

Suddenly, my soul returned to it's rightful place: (seemingly) in my body.

The stinging of pain hit me instantly, I gasped and clutched my bloody wrist, only making the laceration even more painful. My head bobbed as I struggled to not drop immediately on the floor, teetering on the edge of consciousness. My body weakly convulsed, with the last of my energy I let out a blood curdling scream as I tumbled out of consciousness.

* * *

I awoke with a slow start; feeling something akin to a cold cloth at my forehead and a contrastingly warm hand holding my own loosely. I tore my eyes open to find myself in Anders' clinic; I looked to my left, the direction where someone was holding my hand, to find Hawke asleep in the cot closest to mine.

My body froze with guilt when I looked to our linked hands. Remorse and self-pity flooded my thoughts as I recalled what had happened in order to find myself in such a predicament.

Something stirred to my right and I glanced in that direction to meet Anders' gaze, his amber eyes felt like they were piercing a hole in me from judgement. I almost worked up enough pride to feel angry at his offending stare, then I remembered how troubled Hawke had looked in his sleep, and the guilt made me bite my tongue.

I tore my eyes away from Anders' to spare a look in Hawke's direction, only to cause a painful throb in the back of my head as a distantly familiar voice said:

_"Forget about guilt, remember only one thing: Eluvian"_

"Did you hear that?" I asked shakily, I realized that I had spoken rather too loudly when Hawke stirred beside me.

"Hear what?" He asked groggily.

"I didn't hear anything." Anders answered curiously.

"I am losing my mind." I thought aloud.

"I know." Hawke answered shortly before untangling our hands. He nodded in Anders' direction before stomping out the clinic. He didn't even look in my direction.

* * *

Hawke agreed to help one last time, if it didn't work they agreed that she'd give up on the mirror. If it took making a deal with a demon to fix the blighted mirror, and to get Merrill back, he would do it. He was at the breaking point. Hawke missed the random babbling, he had found it adorable. All she'd do anymore was sit with a dreadfully silent demeanor. Little did he know that when Merrill had been silent all that time she had been in the gist of a battle with herself; fighting the words that kept echoing in her mind:

_"Forget your friends, forget your love, remember only one thing: Eluvian."_

The annihilation of her former clan and the possession of Keeper Marethari had momentarily brought her former-self back.

"What is wrong with me?!" She wailed as she looked among the dead bodies and found many well-known faces.

That was the night she smashed the Eluvian back to pieces, after consulting with Hawke.

While smashing the accursed seeing-glass, she seen that sanguine realm; the once beaming features on the cherubs darkened at her abrupt retreat. She sensed the final hold the unknown realm possessed over her, slip, as she spoke to the mirror directly:

_"You will not control me any longer. You will not take my sanity. You will not take my life."_

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**Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought of it, good or bad. If anybody has requests I'd be willing to look them over and see if it is in my power to write it.**_  
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**Cover photo: art/Eluvian-207280918 Artist: **

**Song(s) I listened to while writing (I listened to this lovely song on repeat, and actually got the title for this story from it too): ** watch?v=lU9YFgsQ-gU


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